“Sorting”
A poem for when life shifts unexpectedly, inspired by cleaning my desk.
…………
“Sorting”
Cleaning up
putting away
sorting through life piled around me
paper mountains atop my table
growing unnoticed in the blurry months
when the world went on without me
as I stood by your bed
held your hand
thought only of you
and your imminent departure
when we said our thankyous
I'm sorrys
I love yous
goodbyes
and blessed you across the threshold
when we sailed out under a blue sky
to surrender your ashes to the sea
there's an odd comfort
in coaxing order from chaos
one paper at a time
finding places for things
letting others go
remembering I do have a file cabinet
and that box of blue hanging files
but not all things have a place yet
some remain on the table
where my heart wanders aimlessly
in a world gone sideways.
Inspiration:
The high intensity of end of life was over, the burial was done, and while there was still much of the business of dying to complete, there was nowhere to do it….I could not see my desk under all the piles of my own life and my father’s that had accumulated. The outward physical sorting of papers somehow supported my inner sorting as well.
…….
If you’re in a place where life feels like a tidal wave, my wishes for you today are quiet ones…that in the midst of all that remains in disarray, you would know yourself held by the One who sees beyond what we can see. And for space to reflect and that a gentle rebuilding (and righting) of the structures of your world would unfold for you.
Go gently, friends.
Image: Chyntia Juls for Unsplash
Poem: ©2025 Wendy Lew Toda